Posted by: findingrefugeinyou | October 15, 2009

Funny what life throws at you…

I applied at three universities as a transfer student, so keep your fingers crossed.  #1 choice = Grand Valley State University, #2 = Ferris State University, #3 = Western Michigan University.

And I got a new puppy, Yoshi, a Welsh Corgi, he’s my new baby.  The lady who fostered him told me about his story: his owner was an elderly lady who passed away, her children took Yoshi and paid for him to be looked after at a kennel for a week, three months later they still didn’t come to get him and so the foster people were called.


My sister has her MIT interview soon, and mom is nearing the end of her doctorate program.  I’m really proud of my dad, he’s doing a christian outreach in the prison.  His plan is to do devotions all week as a civilian and then at the end show up in uniform, they figure it will be very moving to have the prisoners realize that a cop cares that much about them.

I’ve just been thinking about how lucky I am, yeah I was flat broke and on my ass a week ago, but now i have myself back on my feet and a wonderful support system.  I’m so lucky to have Dave, and my parents and good friends.  I miss Sara, Beth, Brad and Emily….but I know I’ll see them all soon enough.8934_1260613996266_1257150085_30791101_1481024_n

Posted by: findingrefugeinyou | June 23, 2009

Thoughts After This Week

I got back from North Dakota last week but it kinda took me time to realize what hit me the most about it.  It wasnt that there were third world conditions in the heart of the USA, it was the different vicws that some people would consider weird.  There was a lady who stayed with us during that week to scope out the project for her church.  When me and three other girls were digging the trench to barry the wires she and the other adult women came over to watch.  And she said something like, “I just cant believe you girls are doing men’s work.”  And I actually had to just sit there and blink at her.  I grew up on a farm, you did manual labor, you didnt have a choice.  And even if I had a choice I would have saved my dad’s knees the pain and did it anyway.

Just the thought that there are some woman who still believe that the men should wear the pants leaving the girls helpless.  And wasnt even just that, but Sean was “helping” us dig and he kept stopping to just watch us.  Then he said, “It’s much more enjoyable to watch females dig then to watch males dig.”  Which I’m sorry but it pissed me off and I tried to ignore it but was like “hun, girls dont like when you do that”.

There’s a ton of people in this world who just dont understand.  And it’s not that they can be taught it, it’s that they dont know any different.  And you know what I dont judge them.  People get mad at me because I said I didn’t blame the terrorists who flew into the trade towers.  They had been taught and brainwashed that it was the right thing to do, we have so many similarities to them, views on family and such.  True, the fact that they knew they were killing innocents should have crossed their minds, but in their head we arent innocent.

Even things like in North Korea they believe in genetic imprisonment.  Where if my dad steals something or kills someone, everyone within two generations will be thrown into prison in his family.  My uncle could be a priest and they would still throw him in jail and torture him for something my dad did.  In our heads it is wrong, but in their minds it is a way to control the population.  To make them to scared for their families to commit a crime in fear they will be punished to.

Oh well, it may all be rubish in others heads, but it’s something to consider the next time you meet someone.

Posted by: findingrefugeinyou | June 1, 2009


This is actually a cool video I found.  Yeah, they’re kinda like a mix of Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys, but this song is so catchy, and really fun to sing along to.

Posted by: findingrefugeinyou | June 1, 2009

People’s Elements

I don’t really believe in witchcraft, but one thing I do believe that’s related to that area is the idea that people have elements that are inside them.  In Memoirs of a Geisha it says that Sayuri has water in her and her sister is Wood, or Earth.

In my family, I’m Earth, my brother is Air and my sister is Fire.  And I do believe that certain elements don’t blend all that well together at times.  Like, Earth and Air I can see being ok, like brushing past eachother without a lot of problems, like me and my brother.  But Fire can destroy Earth and also can help it grow, like me and my sister.  There’s also water, which I can see as my Mom, she puts out Fire, cares for Air and aids Earth.  My dad is more Earth, he’s very rooted and I think it suits him.

In terms of relationships for me, since I’m Earth, I don’t think I could date someone that’s pure Fire, it would be too destructive for me.  Air or Water would be alright for me, although I would prefer Water over Air, because Air would probably be to breezy, coasting right by.

It’s not that I think that everyone just has one element but I do believe that there are certain things that gradually get incorporated into everyone’s mindset and this is one of them.

Have fun figuring out what Element you are!

Posted by: findingrefugeinyou | May 30, 2009

Incredibly Crappy Week

So I decided to get this all down in writing so that if someone asked my why I look so depressed and pissed I can give them this link and tell them to have a ball.

Started off on Monday night last week when my car decided to shut down after my oil change.  I was with a car full of girls headed to get party stuff and it just stopped in the turn lane.  They took off to party still and I waited for the tow truck guy alone.  Then the tow guy tells me that my car has absolutely no oil in it and had seized up.

Then the next day I developed both the flu and a cold.  So I missed my first day of school to lay on the couch.  Wednesday I got my rental car, which was ok because it turned out to be a 2009 Uplander and amazing, but didnt get to watch the kids because I was still sick.

Thursday, I went to class and then watched the kids.  Then that night I went over to Katie’s where Marissa and Rachel were there already drinking, but I couldnt stay the night and therefore couldnt drink.  But I thought it would be ok since Brandon was on the way to see me, and I missed him terribly.  But the guys were an hour late and I had to leave before they got there.

Friday I was stuck in a car for 8 hours with my grandparents, my uncle and my dog.  Then I had to sleep on the couch since my room is now a dog hospital and cat bathroom.  Saturday was my brother’s graduation party and a ton of graduation parties.  Sunday night was church in the morning, then Stan’s graduation which was long and hot, but I’m soooo proud of him. He graduated Fourth in this class.  Then we went to more graduation parties and then home to collapse.

Monday was the memorial day parade where I walked with the band and handed out water.  It was fun because they had to stand around in front of the court house and I got to talk to them and realized how much I miss all of them.  Then we left for Kalamazoo again, which was hot in the car.

That night I found out that the guy my cousin set me up with actually had a crush on her and she stole him from me.  Which I decided to try and be ok with because it’s important to me that other people are happy.  And Marissa and Kate told me I should still come to dinner with them Tuesday night because Brandon wouldnt be there and that it would be fun.

So Tuesday I went to class again, then I headed over to Kate’s and yeah, it was awkward, but on the way up to Grand Rapids I really thought I could do it.  Then we went to Kate’s house to have dinner with Aunt Amy and my Uncle and her brothers and my Great Aunt Marilyn.  That was super fun, and I had been craving spaghetti for weeks.

Then we went to the garage to see Mike and they told me that Brandon wasn’t going to be there.  And when we showed up there he was with Mike working on the car.  We spent 2 hours talking in a group and having fun.  And I dont even know how it happened, but then they all broke off into pairs and I was left to watch tv on my own, knowing that they were making out.

I finally decided that we all needed to go back to Kalamazoo.  Where we got Taco Bell and then passed out.  I got my car back Wednesday and watched the kids.  Thursday was class, and today I just sat in my room fuming and trying to zen myself up.

I think what really steams me is that they all set me up with him.  And even though I’d only hung out with him twice I really liked him, he’s a country boy and a dork.  Then the minute Kate’s guy decides he doesnt like her she has to go and grab mine.  *sigh* oh well, now I’m moving on and getting better, eating a lot of salads, working on my classes and just trying to not think about it.

I love all the people who supported me through this.  Thank you all so much, *hugs*  I love you.

Posted by: findingrefugeinyou | May 14, 2009

Things I Don’t Believe In

1. Chance – I don’t believe anything is truly random.  Everyone says “well, it’s totally random who the next person to walk through the door will be”, but I say that there were a ton of events leading up to who ever walks through the door that determines who it will be.  Random number generators in a calculator use an equation and therefore not truly radom.

2. That everything is preplanned – I’d like to think that God has everything all planned out for us and that we won’t step off the path.  But free will gives up the option to step off and i love that.  I believe that god started us out in one spot and then it was like a maze, where around the corner you had three options.

3. That everyone is fixable – I wish I could believe that murderers can be fixed, but I don’t, because if someone can kill another I believe that there is something mentally unfixable.  It’s basically a losing cause and I wouldn’t trust them, no matter what.

more later

Posted by: findingrefugeinyou | April 18, 2009

Can i push my Prof off a cliff?

Yesterday was actually really good.  I got up early and showered, spent some time with Luke and then I drove over to school for a “Teacher Strengths” workshop.  We had all taken a test online that assessed our strengths.  It was fun because my favorite geology prof and favorite math prof were there.  Plus 5 girls from my class that I’m friends with.  And i met a girl who nanny’s for the same family that I do.  So weird.

Found out my top 5 strengths are:

Belief = The genius of your Belief talent starts with the fact that you have some very deeply-held beliefs about what is true, what is unchanging, and what can be, and always will, dependable.  These beliefs go very deep.  They provide personal power to stand strong no matter.  This is central to your character.  But the genius of your belief strength is what results from those beliefs.  From your beliefs, you generate meaning, purpose and direction for your life and all you do.  this meaning, purpose and direction translate into a tremendous amount of power, drive and motivation within you  So long as you revolve your life around your deepest values and beliefs, you will experience motivation, drive and determination to make monumental impacts in the lives of individuals as well as groups and organizations.

Intellection = The genius of your  Intellection talents stems from the quality of your thinking.  You think about ideas, concepts, and principles in great depth.  It is as if you hold discussions in your mind about ideas, concepts, observations and new learnings.  this results in deep learning, deep understanding, and deep appreciation for the best knowledge.  Out of this deep processing, you often come to new insights and understandings.  But the greatest aspect of the genius of your intellection is the wisdom that you gain from your in-depth thinking and internal discussions.  You can think by yourself for hours, but never doubt what results: wisdom, clarity and a firm foundation for action planning and decision making.

Developer = The genius of your Developer talent begins with what you can see in other people.  You can see talents, strengths and potential in others that they often cannot see in themselves.  But this is just the beginning.  You can also see what people can do to develop their talents, strengths and potential.  It is as if you see “stepping stones” for moving people from where they are to higher levels of development.  But it doesn’t stop there.  You become energized and determined to stimulate people to move, grow and develop to higher and higher levels of personal effectiveness.  Next, you are particularly perceptive in noticing even the smallest amount of progress people make as they grow and develop.  this leads your mirroring back to people their progress.  Accordingly, you are a great source of encouragement and a stimulator of personal progress as you can see ahead of time what people can become and as you note their progress.  the great thing about all of this is how alive you become as you stimulate others with your Developer talent.

Responsibility = The genius of your Responsibility theme is found in the depth and the quality of relationships you are able to form with people.  Because you are a person of your word, people trust you.  It is this trust that bonds you to others and bonds others to you.  Your ability to build trusting relationships is foundational to any influence relationship.  Therefore you tend to have a highly persuasive and influential impact on people.  this talent can be used to leadership as people will only willingly follow those they trust, and trust is what you have to genius to generate in others.  the final aspect of the genius of your Responsibility theme involves the level of commitment you can generate in others.  this stems from the fact that you make such deep commitments to others and from the fact that you make such deep commitments to their full development and personal fulfillment.

Connectedness = the genius of your Connectedness talent provides you with a very unique way of seeing events, people and the world.  To you there are no accidents.  Your way of seeing events is to recognize that everything that happens is caused by something or someone.  Likewise, what is happening right now will have a “ripple” effect into the future.  Similarly, you see people in terms of the accumulative events and interaction that formed them and moved them to this moment.  Accordingly, this moment and the attitudes that people take to their circumstances will form their future.  Extending this way of seeing to the world in general, you see the past present and future as connected and you see that there is a “master plan” or “Master’s plan” at work at all times.  Your genius talent of Connectedness provides a way of “making sense of the nonsense” around us and generating meaning and purpose for yourself.  When you share what you can see with the genius of your connectedness talent, you help others gain hope as you help them see the past and “connect the dots” of their past in a more meaningful way.  In like manner, you help people see possibilities for the future by making choices now that build a positive future.

I know that was long, but I was hoping people would read them and tell me if they think that sounds like me or not.

The reason I titled this entry as “Can I push my Prof off a cliff?” is because afterwards, Suann (who is in my Math142 group with me, Andy Suann and Miranda) told me that our prof asked her after the exam if we could all talk about our homework answers.  Apparently she thinks we all cheated off eachother on our homework.  Which is rediculous because how you can you cheat on homework?  So I guess that on tuesday when we get our exams back we’ll all talk it out,  but I’m wiling to fight her on this.

So anyway, I came back home, got dressed with alittle help from Onesa.  Me, “dress or pants?”  onesa, “dress”  me “ok”. Then performed at the concert.  there’s a guy in the percussion section who is slightly learning disabled who kinda makes me uncomfortable cuz he’s always touching me, telling me he was thinking of me and things.  But generally he’s a sweet guy, well we started the concert and he told us that he really had to go potty.  And he kept walking back and forth during the concert even though we told him over and over not to.  then in the middle of our march number, I was playing cymbals and I could suddenly smell urine, I looked over and there was a puddle on the floor and he was looking so upset.

Yes, a high school aged student wet his pants,  Becky and I had a hard time not laughing, but we made it through and didnt make him feel worse then he already did.  Then becky and i went to Panera for soup and talked then I collapsed at home.

Yay for full days.  😀

Posted by: findingrefugeinyou | April 6, 2009

Recurring Nightmare

I have had this dream almost once a week for a couple of months or so.

It starts out with me standing in this dirt road, just looking around at people walking along.  I can hear them talking in Korean, and people laughing.  Then all the sudden gunfire and explosions start going off and everyone starts screaming and running past me.  I just keep standing there staring down the road, and I start to see soldiers straight ahead coming towards me shooting random people.

Then a lady runs up to me and gives me her baby and tells me to take her and run, and I just stare at her until all of the sudden she screams and falls to the ground.  Something in me breaks, and I run, holding onto the baby.  There’s a boat off the docks with the American flag on it, I run towards it and a soldier grabs my hand hauling me up.  The General comes up and orders me to drop the baby on the dock but the soldier tells me it’s my baby and it’s half American so the General leaves me alone.

I usually wake up right before I look at the soldier’s face.  I dont really know what the symbolism is, but if anyone could help I’d love it.

Posted by: findingrefugeinyou | March 31, 2009

Sesame Street Is Brilliant

I had to post this and send it out to the world.  I can’t believe how incredibly amazing Sesame Street is.  I mean they made a catchy tune, plus the lady bugs are wearing bonnets!!  yay!!

This one Onesa sent me.  It’s the Orange in the fruit bowl singing the Carmen song from the opera.  I adore this movie.

This is just very cute, I remember watching this when I was a kid and just being fascinated with it, over and over.

Posted by: findingrefugeinyou | March 25, 2009

Setting the Hick Record Straight

So, hicks have been taking a lot of crap out of people in jokes and just all  around conversations.  I decided to tell everyone that yes, I am a hick, and damn proud of it.  🙂


But I’m what’s classified as a Canadian Hick, which is a totally different area of “hickdom”.  Canadian hicks talk like “yeh, gotta get dat deer up at dah cabin with my gun, eh?”  (That’s a horrible translation but it’s close)  Yes, we’re the ones who go on and on about Deer hunting.  At my middle school we even had a open day of hunting season dance where everyone dressed in orange and camo and got dates and danced around.  I tried it once, not for me, I ended up reading my book the entire time praying for dad to come get me and tell me we could go.  Dad does it all the time, and it’s good cuz it helps save money on food.


I do the typical, “target practice” hick thing.  I even have a bow and arrow set that I use.  I love it so much.  🙂  My sister loves my bow more so I’m thinking of giving it to her since I cant bring it with me to South Korea.


I grew up in Upper Michigan, and we’re classified as “Yoopers”.  And I’m going to include the “Yooper Creation Story” just for your enjoyment.

In da beginning dere was nuttin, see
Den on da first day God created da U.P., eh?
On da second day He created da partridge, da deer, da bear, da fish, an da ducks ya know
On da third day He said, “Let dere be YOOPERS to roam da U.P.”
On da fourth day He created da udder world down below and on da fifth day He said,” Let dere be TROLLS to live in da world down below.”
On da sixth day He created ‘DA BRIDGE’ so da TROLLS would have a way to get to Heaven, see.
God saw it was good and on da seventh day He went huntin!!


Tada, and that’s how Yoopers were born, everyone believes it, and you’ll find that story in your History books under the appendix.  😀


I am a country girl: I’ll choose jeans over a skirt, I bale hay every summer, I always have country blaring out my car radio, I always drive with the window open, I think southern accents are cute, I love kids with red hair and freckles, I adore the smell of horse, I feel most comfortable in a saddle and I wont get married unless the guy has my daddy’s permission.  That’s me, and I’m not afriad to let everyone know it is me, cuz i have nothing to hide from the world.  🙂


Older Posts »